Did the internet somehow break while I was away? Did something change in the past 30 or so years since the internet went mainstream? Because there are a couple of weird undercurrents happening right now, in earnest, with great urgency, that seem to suggest that maybe something changed about the internet that really needs fixing.
First, for some reason, laws requiring age identification are sweeping not just around the US, but globally. Why now? Well, at least in the US, the Supreme Court changed its mind and said it’s okay now. Sure, fine, whatever, they’ve been doing that a lot lately. But, like, also, why now? And why with such urgency?
Look, the internet has been around for long time, pretty much mainstream for at least 30 years, and a key part of life since we all freaked out about Y2K 25 years ago. But now, now, we have to think about the children! They might now see something inappropriate! But for 30 years, they have been seeing inappropriate things, and, well, did that turn out to be a problem? Maybe? But a problem so bad that it needs to be fixed now? After all this time?
Maybe I’m biased here because I truly don’t give a shit what kids see. I mean, you can try and keep a teen from looking at pictures of naked people online, but you will never succeed. It’s like trying to grasp water in your hand. And did 30 years of teens finding pictures of naked people on the internet take down society? Well, I guess in a way it did. But not in a way that will be changed whatsoever by mandating an age identification moat.
Not to mention what an age identification moat actually means for the internet and society. One is supposed to upload a photograph of a drivers license to some anonymous tech company? What will be done with that data? Fuck, probably the same shit that’s been done with the rest of our data: sold on a shady but open market. Truth be told, if there is one regulatory issue with the internet we urgently need, it’s privacy. But that’s neither here nor there.
Or, the other options—which are worse! YouTube is trialing algorithms based on video watching to determine age. Sure there’s nothing wrong with that! You can age gate me, but then I’ll just watch 200 home renovation videos and then YouTube will know I’m 50. Some are trying face scans. Sure, sign me up to look at my face and see if I am as old as I feel (80 some days). This is terrifying surveillance, and it’s only just beginning!
One could say this is a solution in search of a problem; but they aren’t even solutions!
And now, once again, a bipartisan group of senators wants to pass a law to block websites that they say are perpetuating piracy. Sure, whatever. Did that suddenly become a problem that needs to be solved? Did Warner Music go out of business? Is Hollywood doomed (for that reason, certainly not others)? Did Metallica declare bankruptcy? Is the creative economy in tatters? Did this all just happen this year?
Again, it’s been 30 years, and we’ve had piracy panics every six months it seems, but, in the end, nothing bad enough has happened to require a blacklist of websites that need to be blocked by the World’s Freest Democracy (exemptions apply). So, cool, glad there’s nothing else that needs to be solved before this. Won’t somebody think of the children (and the CEO of Paramount: A Skydance Joint)?
And, not to necessary go slippery sloping, but once you start blocking websites for piracy, there’s no rational end to what you can block. Terrorism? Yeah, got to block that. Communism? Oh hell yeah you got to block that shit.
Pictures of naked people? Well, definitely got to block that shit, since the age gating isn’t working.
