You’re watching a soccer game: It’s USA versus Germany, World Cup knockout round. It’s early in the match, about 13 or so minutes in, and Germany are awarded a corner kick. Pretty normal stuff. Well, there’s some tussling and janking around in the box, a pretty normal big mess. But the referee blows his whistle—normal enough, and then the stadium announces that VAR is going to take a look. VAR, or Video Assistant Referee, is the name of a technology and procedure for looking at contested calls on the field. In a box, several referees look over...
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Trump take trophy
From the annals of You Can’t Make This Shit Up: President Trump has revealed that the champions of the Club World Cup won’t be getting the original trophy, because he’s keeping it. English club Chelsea easily dispatched France’s Paris Saint-Germain in the final of the tournament in New Jersey’s MetLife Stadium on Sunday, with Trump joining the players for the trophy lift—much to their confusion. It has since been revealed that the intricate prize hoisted aloft by the London club’s captain, Reece James, was a replica because the president of football’s governing body, FIFA, has let Trump use...
Continue reading...What’s a Mob to a King? World Cup Final Preview
First things first: You’re going to watch this game. You have to watch this game. Even if you haven’t watched a minute of this World Cup, even if you’ve never watched a minute of soccer in your life, even if you think watching a minute of soccer is a waste of a minute, you’re going to watch this game. You’re going to watch it because everyone else is. You’re going to watch it because a Sunday afternoon with friends and beer is only made better by watching strangers run around, developing allegiances to those strangers whose names you’d...
Continue reading...I’m Sorry Ronaldo, Klose’s For Real: World Cup Recap and Netherlands-Argentina Preview
/taps mic I’m Sorry Ronaldo! Klose’s for reeeeaaaal! Never meant to make your country cry, Die Mannshaft won it sieben-eins. The US conceded six goals in four games. Costa Rica gave up two in five. Germany has let four in over six. Reiging (until Sunday) World Champions Spain saw seven balls roll over the line in their three group stage matches, as did Portugal. It took Algeria and Switzerland a fourth game to reach that total. Only Honduras (eight), Australia and Cameroon (nine each) allowed more than seven goals over the course of this world cup. Those last three teams finished 30th-32nd in the tournament. Yesterday, in capitulating...
Continue reading...When It’s Over: World Cup Recap and Brazil-Germany Preview
Five days. It took me five days after the USMNT lost to Belgium to be able to read any of the many obituaries, encomia and tributes that followed in that match\’s wake. It took me five days before I could begin to think on the accomplishments of the US team and reflect on what had happened. It took me five days to get over it, to move on from it. As I watched the games on Friday and Saturday, as the quarterfinals became the semifinals, I did so not really believing the next game wouldn’t feature Dempsey, Howard, Bradley and Jones. Their...
Continue reading...World Cup Preview: Belgium vs. USMNT
People will say that the US is lucky to be in the Round of 16. They’ll say, as we did, that Pepe, the Portugal centerback, had just as much to do with getting the US to the knockouts as anything any US player did. They’ll note that they faced a weakened Portugal and lost to a German team that really didn’t have much to play for in their match, the score as close as it was because the Germans didn’t need anything more than the 1-0 win they ended up with. They looked anything but convincing against Ghana, switched off at two...
Continue reading...This Is How We Die
We do not choose to die. But we do. It is an inevitability. It is the inevitability. Death comes for us all, some sooner and some later. Some die quietly and peacefully, some fight and rage until the last capitulation. But still we die. Death is not honor, so much as it is science. One can die honorably only in the sense that a flower is honorable when it turns to fruit, as a rock is honorable when worn to sand by the sea . We look at the world as it is spread before us, and know that it is...
Continue reading...It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye, Except to Greece: Weekend World Cup Recap and Monday Preview
Spain, Italy, England, Uruguay. Mexico, Cameroon, Croatia, Australia. Honduras, Ecuador, Japan, Cote D’Ivoire. Bosnia, Iran, Ghana, Portugal. Russia, South Korea, Chile, Greece. Gone. Flights booked, bags packed, tears shed, shirts exchanged. Every one of those teams came with the hope of playing in the Grand Final on July 14, and every one of them was sent home at least two weeks early. Those first four teams up there are former World Champions: Spain and Italy having been the last teams standing at the previous World Cups in 2010 and 2006 respectively, broken at having crashed out so soon. Some countries...
Continue reading...The Knockout Game (not that knockout game): Weekend World Cup Preview
Yesterday was probably the happiest I\’ve ever been after watching my team lose, and J Reed\’s post yesterday in its aftermath summed up my feelings in words better than I could have put together (ed. note: that can\’t possibly be true). Because of the way the group stage is set up, all the US had to do yesterday was not lose badly, and they\’d see themselves through. Ghana helped by losing to Portugal, who needed to make up considerably more goals than the Black Stars would have. The US weathered the first fifteen minutes, which was one wave after...
Continue reading...On Omens and Destiny and Fate: US-Germany Preview
I woke up this morning to find that the air conditioner in my bedroom had leaked inside and bubbled the paint under the window. I took the dog for a walk, hoping to get coffee, and he stepped on my foot and sliced upon my big toe. The first coffee place had a line about 12 deep, and the dog doesn’t have that kind of patience, I was at the second spot for about two minutes, ready to place my order, when I saw him jumping at strangers and heard him barking. Walking home, coffee-less and in pain, wondering...
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