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Good morning, folks. First ThunderCats, now Voltron’s coming back. Now, your morning constitutional: A headline I, for one, never thought possible: Obama looking for ‘whose ass to kick.’ Although, the AP’s is pretty great as well: Obama talks tough on spill; keisters in peril. Iran is defiant in the face of potential sanctions as President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad warns that Iran will not agree to talks on its nuclear program if the UN passes sanctions this week. “Fuck my victims. I carried them for twenty years, and now I’m doing 150 years.” Bernie Madoff: class act. A 25-year-old...

Good morning, everybody. Elton John sang at Rush Limbaugh’s fourth wedding. Now, your morning constitutional: BP announced Monday that its response to the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico has cost $1.25B so far. Seven killed over the weekend in Ohio as severe storms and tornadoes swept the Midwest. Slovenians voted to support a new border treaty with Croatia, a step towards resolving a decades-long dispute that will make it easier for the Balkan states to enter the European Union. The cost of doing business in China is going up and will likely lead to higher...

Good morning, folks. Hold on to your childhood, because Warner Brothers is making an anime restyling of Thundercats. Now, your morning constitutional: “I simply misremembered it wrong,” explained Rep. Mark Kirk, who is running for the Illinois Senate seat once held by President Obama, of how an award for the unit he headed became an award just for him. The Environmental Protection Agency on Thursday issued a new restrictions on sulfur dioxide emissions, the first such revision of sulfur dioxide rules in 40 years. Sulfur dioxide is a major component of the exhaust from coal-burning power plants,...

Good morning, everybody. Charlie Sheen is going to jail. Now, your morning constitutional: Rep. Arthur Davis lost the chance to be Alabama’s first black Democratic nominee for governor yesterday. Dale Peterson (previously) also lost his bid for Agriculture Commissioner. No matter what happens in the fall, New Mexico will have its first female governor. BP’s shares have plunged 36 percent in value since the April explosion that caused a giant oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, which may make BP cheap enough to attract acquisition interest. Attorney General Eric Holder is opening an investigation into the...

Good morning, everybody. Spencer behaved a little crazy and moved out. Now, your morning constitutional: Flooding and landslides resulting from Tropical Storm Agatha, the first named storm of the season, has killed over 150 people in Central America. As Carol Browner, the White House energy and climate adviser, calls it the “probably the biggest environmental disaster we’ve ever faced in this country,” BP and the administration warn that the oil spill in the Gulf could very well last until August. Robert Reich: The government should temporarily take over BP’s U.S. operations to ensure it’s workign in the...

Good morning, everybody. Could Lady Gaga have…lupus? Now, your morning constitutional: President Obama is visiting Louisiana Friday to assess the ecological disaster caused by the oil spill in the Gulf. U.S. officials and BP believe the spill has been patched, although they will not know for sure for a couple days. The spill is believed to be the worst in U.S. history. And here I thought Rand Paul loved the Constitution. The House of Representatives on Thursday voted for an amendment to a military funding bill to repeal the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy banning gays from...

Good morning, folks. Conan’s writers are getting their own comedy special on TBS in June. Now, your morning constitutional: “Top Kill” method effective at stopping the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico, says Coast Guard admiral. A bomb disguised as a pack of juice exploded in the southern Russian city of Stavropol, killing seven and injuring at least 40. Despite recently being called out for saying he served in Vietnam when he didn’t, Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal is still popular in Connecticut and leads former wrestling executive Linda McMahon in the race for the Senate...

Good morning, everybody. Lady Gaga calls the Glee tribute a dream come true. Now, your dream come—I mean, your morning constitutional: BP is poised to attempt choking the oil spill by stuffing it with heavy drilling mud and cement on Wednesday, a tactic called a “top kill.” Singapore is battling an oil spill of its own. The Trans-Alaska Pipeline (which is partially owned by BP) was shut down Tuesday after spilling several thousand barrels of oil into backup containers. In retaliation for an international report that lays the blame on North Korea for sinking a South Korean...

Good morning, everybody. Lost is over. Now, your morning constitutional: Frustrated after several attempts have failed, the Obama administration is losing faith that BP is actually capable of fixing the leaking oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico. American delegation comes to China with long list of issues to work out on the economy and security, but China just wants to be left alone to pursue its own development. President Obama seeks novel new way of trimming costs from spending bills. State cuts to child care programs are forcing poor parents out of working, undoing many of...

Good morning, folks. Jesse James considers himself the world’s most hated man. Now, your morning constitutional: The Senate on Thursday passed the financial reform package on a 59-39 vote. Four Republicans voted for the package, and two Democrats voted against. The bill now goes to conference to be reconciled before it will hit President Obama’s desk for signing. Slate on how the reform package is kinder to the finance industry than it has to be. The Bundestag, Germany’s lower house of Parliament, approved Friday a measure to contribute to a rescue package for Greece put together by...