What's Next for Touchdown Jesus

As you’ll recall, last month a 62-foot statue of Jesus burned down after a lightning strike.  It happens that this monstrosity is right along the highway I take from the airport when I visit my family in Ohio, so I got to see the skeletal remains of TD Jesus when I was there last week.  I was

curious about the church’s plans– perhaps after the fire, they’d had an epiphany that there are more worthy uses of $250,000 than reconstructing hideous flammable statuary?  Ha!  Of course not.  Pastor Darlene Bishop brushed off such suggestions, saying that Solid Rock Church gives plenty of money to humanitarian causes and that the statue has touched countless people’s lives (even, she said, causing some to reconsider their plans to commit suicide).  Plus the destruction of the statue was great PR for Jesus!  So plans are underway to rebuild the statue, though this time it will apparently be made of fireproof materials.

As it turns out, the natural disaster was no economic catastrophe for Solid Rock Church, since they’d actually had the statue insured for $500,000.  Said Darlene Bishop, “Now we get to build a whole brand-new one, paid-for.  We are blessed.”

Darlene’s husband, co-pastor Lawrence Bishop reiterated the plan to rebuild, saying rather ominously “The first Jesus was resurrected in three days. It’s going to take us a little longer than three days but he will be back. He’s like the Terminator. He’s coming back.”