Well, lol, tomorrow’s supposed to be “the Rapture.” Are you Rapture Ready™?
Those of us who grew up in fundamentalist/evangelical confines can probably readily remember the phrase “Rapture Ready.” We’d get asked that a lot: “If the rapture were to happen today, would you be ready? Would you be [cough] Rapture Ready?”
I still have a ton of internalized anxiety about the so-called Rapture. It’s such a thing, a cursory search let me know it even has a Wikipedia page. I’m at point where I absolutely know it’s not real, never going to happen, is totally made up, but there’s always and will always be a part of my subconscious that gets a little nervous every time an unexpected horn blares or I just can’t find certain other people. But, I am no longer Rapture Ready, if I ever was before.
The Rapture, as she is called, is bullshit theology. If you grew up around the idea, and as such totally internalized it as gospel truth (trademark), you probably assume that it’s been proper cannon Christianity since the early church. Maybe even before. But here’s the thing: it’s brand new.
When the fundamentalists in the United States started getting together in the 19th century, they as part of their project sought to figure out what exactly to believe about the End Times, the time of Prophecy, the end of the world, the promised return of Jesus to save his believers. So, in their very fundamentalist way, they dispatched with thousands of years of biblical scholarship (because biblical scholarship was too woke) and went to the very words themselves (specifically the King James Version), and built an entire eschatology based on what it. Taking a little bit from Revelation, some from the Old Testament* prophets**, a little bit from the gospels, and some from the epistles, they pulled out verses (minus, of course, their context) and built a kind of rubric for what to expect when you’re expecting (the end of the world). Of course, a lot of other sects were doing the same thing, often to very different results.
* For simplicity’s sake I am just going to call it that for this post. I know it actually is called a variety of things for a variety of people, and I respect that, but this post is already a little too all over the map.
** Just a note that a lot of these so-called scholars misunderstood what “prophecy” means in the biblical context. You may think “prophecy” means seeing the future, but actually, it should be understood to mean complaining about the government or people’s behaviors. The prophets of the Bible were really just pundits (a word from Sanskrit).
So what these fundamentalists (specifically, the dispensationalists—maybe I’ll get into what this means at a later point, but trust me, the lore goes deep in these circles) developed was a whole End Times calendar, one event of which was named The Rapture. In a departure from other Christian denominations and traditions, they added an event: That Jesus would come to the clouds, call his believers into the air (like a thief in the night), and then they would all go to heaven, leaving all the unbelievers on earth. I need to emphasize: This is an innovation; this is new; this is novel. Nobody imagined this event before and nobody understood the text to mean this before.
Where did they get this idea? Well, it’s all throughout scripture. Actually, it’s not; it’s from one verse in Paul’s first letter to the Thessalonians. One thing to note right out of the gate: It is basically accepted that this is a real letter, and written by the real Paul (although there is some debate about a section we’re not going to talk about today). So we’re not going to talk about authenticity. Really, we’re going to talk about how to interpret a little section without context (and in a specific translation). The section is, in the King James Version, because that’s what they were reading. Here, from chapter 4:
16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:
17 Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.
This certainly sounds auspicious. And, if you have consumed any fundamentalist or evangelical Christian media, you can absolutely see and maybe even hear, how this is the Rapture. However, I have to add: this is not how it would have been interpreted by the readers. You see, there is some context here. Not around the scripture (although there is), but in the cultural context. This is absolutely supposed to sound like when a victorious general returns to his home village. He is welcomed with a call and a horn blare, and the people go and meet him outside the gates. Anybody who read this would assume this is the picture being described. Not some space meeting with Jesus, but a reference to his eventual return (to stay).
Look, these evangelical/fundamentalists (specifically dispensationalists) also take a lot of other bible verses to describe this event, but there isn’t anything else that wouldn’t also describe just a plain, orthodox, accepted return of Christ to earth. But, okay, fine, let’s go to One Corinthians, specifically chapter 15 (again, we’re doing KJV because that’s what they read):
50 Now this I say, brethren, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God; neither doth corruption inherit incorruption.
51 Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed,
52 In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.
53 For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality.
54 So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory.
Again, not the Rapture. Just the final return of Christ. Paul assumed it would happen before he died (it didn’t). A lot of the early church thought he would return very quickly (he didn’t). But I need to emphasize again: this is to describe what he thought of the final return, not some weird event in the middle of the events of the End Times. No weird everybody disappearing. No people Left Behind. Just, like, the final judgement.
I know I told you that these so-called scholars added a bunch of Old Testament prophesies to their eschatology, but I am not going to highlight them because that is ridiculous. The Old Testament does not contain a Jesus, does not contain actual predictions about the future, and has no idea what the fuck a rapture would even mean. And that sentence also presupposes that there’s an “Old Testament” that speaks with one narrative and not just a collection of books written and edited and reedited over thousands of years.
Okay I know I told you we weren’t going to talk about any of the potentially inauthentic parts of Thessalonians, but I do have to add this part from chapter 5:
2 For yourselves know perfectly that the day of the Lord so cometh as a thief in the night.
Because there’s the rub: Even if there were to be a Rapture, it would come at a time nobody was expecting it. There’s a pretty strong and long line of great disappointments.
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