Father’s Day

Father’s Day is a weird day for me. I never knew my own father; I knew his name and saw some pictures, but I never met him and I’m not sure he ever knew I existed, except as a pregnancy test result and ensuing paternity suit. So, I never really experienced Father’s Day as a kid, except as a nod to my grandfather, who wasn’t my real grandfather, since my real grandfather died a decade before I was born and my grandfather as a guy my grandmother married after. I mean, he was my real grandfather in the case in which he functioned as my grandfather (hello Aristotelian physics), and I always appreciated him for that. He once got me to say “hell” at a family party, which was bad and sinful and swearing, so that was fun. He was also the only person in my family to appreciate a proper Manhattan.

But, yeah, I never really experienced the holiday, as it were, as a proper occasion, until I grew into having friends that functioned as family, whether great friends or girlfriends, and getting to see how other families feted their fathers with presents (ties) and time off (mostly for reading) and steak dinners.

I never really put any thought into the day until I got married. My wife’s father was an incredible human, and fully accepted me as a legitimate, if wayward, son. I never actually knew what day Father’s Day was a on (again, I never had a reason to notice the holiday before), or even probably what month it was (I guess June?). But, her family always celebrated and even in distance we found a way to make sure he felt appreciated. Father’s Day zooms—a thing borne from the pandemic, but probably one of the only silver linings.

He died way too early. My own mother also died too early, but he died, timeline-wise, way earlier. Fuck cancer. But I got a few years to really recognize what having a father was like, and it is something I will cherish for the rest of my life. I’m kind of jealous for the rest of you.

Some people have bad fathers. I know I probably do. But some people have great fathers. I know I definitely did.

I’m now of an age where many, if not most, of my friends are also now fathers. Honestly, fewer than I would have thought two decades ago. I can’t judge, as I am not one of them, but maybe that will be in the future. But, yeah, just a bunch of dudes that I used to have too many beers with that now spend all of their time thinking, caring, and worrying about their kids. I love it for them. I talked one the phone with one of them just last night, and I honestly just love hearing about how terrible their kids are. Did I say terrible? They are f**king angels. It’s honestly the only reason I still once in a while look at Mark Zuckerberg’s instagram.

This post basically went nowhere, and I probably should have written this and posted before Father’s Day was almost over, but you know what, I’ve always had a complicated relationship with this holiday.