Book Rec: The Happiness Project

I don’t typically read self-help books, and Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project can certainly be said to fall into that category.  At the same time, it’s also a memoir, in the increasingly popular style wherein the author undertakes a project for a year and then reports on how it goes.  Rubin, a generally happy person already, sets out to become even happier.  And given that she’s a classic Type A personality, the way she goes about it is incredibly systematic for such an esoteric task.  She writes up a Resolutions Chart and picks a different area to focus on for each month of the year (work, parenthood, marriage, friendship, money, etc.), and comes up with several concrete resolutions for each category.

Her strategies range from the mundane– organizing her closets to clear out clutter, for instance– to the more attitudinal, like the mantra she adopts to “act the way you want to feel.”  While a lot of the resolutions are specific to Rubin’s own life, many of them are general ones that could probably boost most people’s happiness levels.  Plus, she intersperses tidbits from her extensive research throughout the personal story, quoting writers, politicians, philosophers, and religious figures on the eternal question of what makes people happy.

I learned a fair amount, and I’m at least somewhat inspired to take some of her resolutions to heart and come up with some of my own.  The Happiness Project is a fun, easy read, although it’s not such a page-turner that you’d necessarily read it quickly.

Good for: an inspirational story, but not an especially sappy one.  Offers lots of practical ideas for living a happier life.

Selected excerpt:

Once I started trying to give positive reviews… I began to understand how much happiness I took from the joyous ones in my life–and how much effort it must take for them to be consistently good-tempered and positive.  It is easy to be heavy; hard to be light.  We nonjoyous types suck energy and cheer from the joyous ones; we rely on them to buoy us with their good spirit and to cushion our agitation and anxiety.

To learn more: check out Gretchen Rubin’s blog, http://www.happiness-project.com/

Friday Funny: Syncronized Swimming

Harry Shearer’s masterpiece on the art of synchronized swimming featuring Martin Short and Christopher Guest. From Saturday Night Live 1985.

Photo of the Day

CC Photo: HUGO INFANTE/GOVERNMENT OF CHILE

Thirty-one year old Alex Vega became the tenth rescued miner at the site of the San Jose mine in Copiapo, Chile on October 13, 2010. A mine collapse left the workers trapped underground for 69 days.

Bonus Friday Funny: I’m You

A pretty spectacular parody of Christine O’Donnell’s “I’m Not a Witch” ad.

Friday Funny: Saying Goodbye

This week, a super-short one from the English comedy troupe “Smack the Pony” called “Saying Goodbye.”

Faking It

From the Department of Blindingly Obvious Scientific Findings:

A hundred-plus page report, The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, came out recently, documenting self-reported information about the sexual activity and behaviors of thousands of adults and teenagers.  Among a myriad of results (some others are detailed here, there was this shocker:

About 85 percent of men report that their partner had an orgasm at the most recent sexual event; this compares to the 64 percent of women who report having had an orgasm at their most recent sexual event. (A difference that is too large to be accounted for by some of the men having had male partners at their most recent event.)

Sigh.  Let me count the ways that this frustrates me.  Or rather, on whose behalf I am frustrated:

Meg Ryan in the infamous When Harry Met Sally diner scene

1) The fakers.  It’s no fun to feign enjoyment.  Faking orgasm is like the adult version of pretending to be Thrilled With The Terrible Present your well-meaning relative gave you for your birthday.  Only worse.  It’s like you and your significant other exchanged gifts, and you spent a lot of time and effort finding the perfect thing, and he loves it, but he got you a half-dozen half-dead flowers and a sad looking stuffed animal, and you have to pretend to be happy so as not to hurt his feelings.

2) The male partners.  This might seem counterintuitive, since presumably they’re the reason the fakers are faking.  But there are some problems with this premise.  First, there’s the chance they’ll catch on, which will probably be embarrassing for both people.  But worse than this is the fact that by pretending these guys are good at sex, the women are letting the guys keep thinking they’re great in bed and inflicting their unjust egoism on other ladies.

3) Which brings us to probably the most pitiable party, since they’re not at all a part of the fakery: the future partners of the guys.  It’s such a disappointment to encounter a man who is supremely, loudly, totally wrongly assured of his sexual prowess.  Really, it’s quite the letdown.  Usually, these sorts of egotisms I tend to blame (fairly or not) on the guy’s mother.  I’m sure this is sometimes inaccurate, but I’ve encountered several stereotypical Jewish American Prince types, guys who are almost *too* close to their mothers, who bask in parental adulation and seem inclined to agree with their moms’ assessment that they are really just the Nicest Cleverest Smartest Boys in the Whole World.  Ugh.  But the misplaced sexual egoism can’t be blamed on moms (hopefully)– part of it lies with the girls who fake their pleasure, leading the guys to believe that whatever half-hearted moves they made really got the girls going.  So seriously, ladies: you’re betraying the sisterhood when you moan your way to a fake orgasm instead of telling the guys the truth– that they aren’t doing it for you.

There are broader cultural issues at play, too.  I’ve long had a bone to pick with Cosmo, not just for their breathtakingly repetitive breathless headlines, but also for the content of those headlines, which always seem to revolve around the timeless theme of How to Please Your Man.  Excuse me, what?  You’re a magazine about sex FOR WOMEN whose content focuses almost solely on making sure guys are having a good time.  Isn’t that a little off?

Plus, gender equality notwithstanding, I do think women have an easier time deducing how to make sure men are having a good time.  It’s just more intuitive.  So why isn’t there a popular magazine for men devoted to the fine art of pleasing your woman?  Why is it that women are taught to be receptive to men’s pleasure to such an outrageous extent that they fake orgasms for the sake of not hurting a guy’s feelings?  Why can’t we acknowledge that maybe our feelings are hurt that after all the time we spent comparing notes with our friends and reading Cosmo in line at the grocery store, our partners don’t seem to have put half the time into figuring out what we like?

Weekend Roundup

• I’m reading Freedom, and it’s way better than The Corrections, which I read and promptly forgot pretty much the entire contents of.  Yeah, I know, pretty novel for me to rave about Jonathan Franzen’s latest, but there you have it. It’s quite riveting.  I always forget, though, when I embark on a Serious Contemporary Novel, how such books never ever have happy endings (or beginnings or middles, typically).  Sometimes this bums me out.  Like, there’s enough true sad stuff without having to spend one’s leisure time reading about fake sad stuff.

• I watched The Social Network, and it was not as great as I thought, but I did go in with high expectations.  Which is to say, I thought it was great, but not in the zeitgeist-capturing movie-of-the-year way it’s been made out to be by The Critics. Great acting (second to last step to EGOT for Justin Timberlake?), and snappy Sorkin-y dialogue.  And it’s a fascinating story, whether or not it’s accurate.

• This is a first for me, I think: I got called “bad-ass” for something to do with alcohol.  I happened to invent a very delicious and very strong drink which consisted of ice, Jim Beam, and absinthe.  Did i mention it was delicious?

Friday Funny: Upper Class Twit of the Year

Florida and Gay Adoption Laws

Kudos to Florida’s Third District Court of Appeal, which last week overturned the state’s thirty-year-old blanket ban on gay adoption.  According to NYT, Florida was the last state in the country to have such a law, and Newly Progressive Gov. Charlie Crist came out in support of the decision, saying it was “a great day for children.”

Gill with one of his sons

It was an especially great day for plaintiff Martin Gill and the two boys (biological brothers) who he had been trying for years to adopt.  Ironically, the Florida Department of Children and Families (DCF) strongly urged Gill to take in the two boys as a foster parent– and yet it’s the DCF who’s now on the other side of the case, opposing gay adoption, and who might appeal it.

Gill, his partner, and the two boys make a great poster family for gay adoption.  The kids, only 4 years old and 4 months when they were taken in, were both in bad shape: both had physical problems, and the older boy wouldn’t speak to his new foster parents for a month after being taken in.  Now, says Gill, “I would say today they are two happy, healthy, normal kids.”  This turnaround is clearly due to Gill and his partner’s heroic efforts on behalf of the kind of children (older than infants, troubled, non-white) that many adoptive parents try to steer clear of.

Seems like a heartwarming family values story to me.  Of course, the so-called family values organizations don’t agree, protesting that gay adoption deprives children of either a mother or a father.  Never mind that abusive and/or negligent heterosexual parents are the ones who leave children to the mercies of the foster care system.  I would think that the fundies would see that allowing gay adoption furthers their quest to reduce the abortion rate: if children put up for adoption can all find welcoming homes, maybe more women will choose to carry pregnancies to term.  But wait, I’m trying to apply logic to the thinking of right-wing fundamentalists, and we know that never works.

Back to the upside.  I’m in the middle of reading The Kid, Dan Savage’s chronicle of adopting a son with his boyfriend.  The book came out in 1999, and I’m struck by what a different climate it was just 11 years ago in terms of gay rights.  Savage mentioned the Florida ban, and noted that the Christian right was pushing for similar bans in at least five other states.  And yet, in 2010, Florida became the last state to get rid of such a ban.  It’s pretty amazing to see change and progress occurring so relatively quickly.  Congratulations to Mr. Gill and to all the other prospective adoptive parents whose efforts to provide homes for kids who need them is now legal in their state.

Friday Funny: New Bike

From Derrick Comedy, one of the funniest comedy troupes on the Internet.

From the annals of minor hypocrisy

I know some enterprising young girls who like to set up lemonade stands on warm days.  Lucky for them, they live in a well-to-do neighborhood where folks tend to tip high (“a lot of times,” they tell me breathlessly, “people give us a dollar and say to keep the change” for the 50 cent cups).

It’s also a well-trafficked area.  Among other things, there’s a large synagogue just down the street.  On Saturday, the girls tell me, they made “so much money.”

“Lots of people who were going to services got lemonade and cookies,” they inform me.  “Awesome,” I say, ” glad you did good business”
They repeat what they just said more emphatically, and with raised eyebrows.
I remember that this past saturday was Yom Kippur.
“You mean grownups going to services got stuff? Or just kids?”
“Grownups,” they affirm, eyes wide.

These are some worldly kids.  Goyish as they are, they know that Jewish grownups are supposed to fast on Yom Kippur, not drink lemonade.  And cookies? Oy!

Maybe these sinners just wanted something extra to atone for when they went in to pray?

Friday Funny: Herpex

From BriTANicK. You don’t want to miss their One Liner Service sketch. I honestly couldn’t decide which to highlight.

This is not okay

True story.  In the early evening; still really light out, I was walking near my apartment a couple nights ago when some creep waggled his penis at me. It was kind of awful and also so absurd. Why would anyone want to do that? I wasn’t very scared for my safety- he seemed content to just stare at me walking by, from about two feet away, while displaying his penis. 

Here’s how you know I’m a bleeding heart liberal. Amid my shock and disgust and anger, part of me also feels bad for the guy.  My evening kind of sucked, but I have to think his life sucks more. What leads someone to the point where they spend their free time standing in the shadows waiting for girls to walk by?  How pathetic and sad. 

And how ridiculous and unfair that now, because I’m a woman, I realize that that area near my home is not really safe for me by myself. I’m cautious, I don’t walk alone late at night. I err on the side of too many taxis. I keep my cell phone with me. I avoid getting too drunk if I don’t have a friend with me.  And yet, none of that is enough, because nothing I could do would be enough. Being careful is good, and surely prevents lots of terrible things from happening, but it’s not enough.  Sometimes you think you’re making the right choices and it doesn’t help.  The first time a guy exposed himself like that I was walking with a female friend, near twilight, and I didn’t think anything creepy would happen that time either.

I’m pissed off on behalf of myself and all my friends who, despite our best efforts, are mirroring the usual stats on sexual assault and violence. Nearly all of us have a story, many of us more than one.  And I fully recognize that what happened the other night was on the very tame end of the spectrum, and I don’t want to equate it with more serious crimes.  I don’t want to diminish it, either– this was a violation, and while I don’t feel deepy scarred, it’s an incident I haven’t quite gotten over as quickly as I would have expected.

I was one of those naive college freshman who thought I could protect myself from anything creepy ever happening to me. I took Self-Defense for Women and walked around with confidence, and caution. Bad things happen anyway. I don’t have a snappy ending for this post, right now I’m just feeling sad.

Police News of the Weird

Adams Morgan Day 2004 (picture from Cooltown Studios)

This afternoon I stopped by Adams Morgan Day in DC, an annual street festival.  B. and A. and I ate at Amsterdam Falafel, always a treat, and then I was talking to a couple friends while B. and A. walked around checking out the assorted booths. At around 1:15 pm, things got weird.

Reports vary, but one thing is for sure:

“There was definitely a gun involved,” says B.

According to eyewitnesses, two dogs (a poodle and a rottweiler or pug) got into a scuffle.  The poodle and its owner left the scene, while the man with the other dog tried to calm it down.  That’s when the police showed up.

Attempting to recreate the scene, which in spirit of full disclosure they did not actually see (though they heard the gunshot), my sources tell me:

“Cop 2 body-slammed the dog twice before knocking him off the top railing and then performing the death…”

“This is sensationalist journalism,” interrupts A.

“After consecutive body slams, the police took out his finishing move, tossing the dog over the rail while shouting ‘It’s the end of the line, mongrel’ and unleashing 2 rounds of slugs.’”

Adds A., “There was only one gun shot.  The cop looked very calm.  We saw a man sitting on the steps with his head in his hands.”

Whatever led the officer to kill the dog, it sounds pretty clear the dog didn’t actually pose a serious danger– by the time the policeman showed up, the dog fight had been broken up.  We wonder whether the poodle owner, feeling upset and protective of her pet, exaggerated the other dog’s threat when reporting the incident.  A strange and sad story.

Girls who wear Abercrombie & Fitch

…I’m not one of them, and never was.  I never imagined the song could be about me.  Actually, I’ve never been inside an A&F store, on some sort of vague “principle” forumulated when I was about 14.  That was also the age when I became a teeny bit obsessed with the band LFO.  My years of listening to top-40 radio were limited but intensive.  In particular, I would often listen to the top 8 at 8 on Q102, and then call in to try to be the 8th caller and win a prize.

One night this worked, and I won 2 tickets to see the band LFO.  I hadn’t heard any of their songs except “Summer Girls,” but I loved that one, so I was psyched.  Honestly, I still like “Summer Girls,” and I’m only slightly ashamed to admit it.  It’s catchy and (unintentionally?) hilarious with its mish-mash of topical references and other random allusions, as well as some creative slant-rhyming (“When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet/ Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets”). 

I don’t remember much about the concert itself, though I recall having a good time, and I wouldn’t have remembered the lead singer’s last name – though of course his first name is easy to remember (“When I met you I said my name was Rich/ You looked like a girl from Abercrombie & Fitch”).  I do remember a vehement disagreement with my dad, in which I denied that LFO was a boy band.  No, they didn’t play any instruments, and yes, they were all pretty boys, but duhh they wrote their own songs and therefore did not qualify.  In retrospect I recognize my error.

I don’t think I’ve seen or read anything about the band or its members in almost a decade.  So I was surprised to read today that Rich Cronin died a couple days ago, from leukemia, at age 35.  Apparently he had started a foundation dedicated to educating people about the disease and encouraging people to be bone marrow donors. 

This is just to say thanks for a completely fun & silly song that still makes me smile when it shows up in my iPod shuffle, even if it’s pretty hard to get out my head once it’s there. 

PS: a nice tribute plus the music video for the song can be found over here.

PPS: Check it out.  I found this Actual Diary Page from my 8th grade journal:

Yup.  Heart stickers and all.

Friday Funny: I Read Some Marx (And I Liked It)

“If Katy Perry read Marx, her music would probably sound something like this.”

Friday Funny: Neanderthals

From the criminally underrated show Cowards.

“Well, excited and scared.”

Happy Friday!  Congratulations, you’ve almost made it to the long weekend. It’s an especially eventful Friday for me, because today happens to be the last day at both my current job and my current apartment.  Neither of these are bad things, and in fact I’m excited about changes on both fronts.  But at the same time, the transitions feel bittersweet.  I like to blame my mixed emotions on being a Libra: I always have a lot of feelings even about a single situation.

I know people who wholeheartedly embrace big changes and jump headfirst into the unknown, into new adventures.  I had a roommate, for instance, who chose to move to new apartments 4 times within a year and a half.  I admire that (okay, maybe not that example, which seems more fickle than adventurous) but I’m not one of those people. Change doesn’t come easily to me, even when it’s good change.  As much as I like the idea of being adventurous, I really like the comfort of routine, and I prefer my spontaneity in small doses.

I think an appropriate soundtrack for the occasion is the Stephen Sondheim musical Into the Woods.  In case you haven’t seen it, the premise is that a bunch of different fairy tales (Cinderella, Jack & the Beanstalk, Red Riding Hood, and so on) all take place on the edge of the same forest, in which all the characters run into each other and get entangled in each other’s stories.   The forest serves as a simple but apt metaphor for the unknown– in the prologue, the various characters prepare to enter the woods for their own reasons, each with varying degrees of confidence or trepidation (“into the woods, who knows what may be lurking on the journey?”).  We listened to this musical a lot when I was growing up, and “into the woods” has become  a family refrain, shorthand for any new adventure and the range of emotions it might inspire.

Readers, any advice or insight or music suggestions for big transitions? How do you deal with lots of things up in the air or about to change?

Friday Funny: The Audition

The Audition, from the awesomely incredible Mr. Show.

Panda knows how to get down

Posted without comment. Carry on.