We keep the “mass” in Christmass, so get to mass, jerks

While we’re out fighting the War on Christmas, here’s the best Christmas song in existence. Enjoy.

Touchdown Jesus Non-Update

Okay, guys. I’m sorry to report that on my latest trek from the Dayton Airport to Cincinnati, there was no sign of the new Touchdown Jesus sculpture. Have plans stalled out? Has the Solid Rock Church of Monroe, Ohio failed to raise the funds for the replacement giant-ass savior statue?

I thought that a quick perusal of the church’s website could answer my question. The church does have a snazzy-looking site, but the five minutes I was willing to spend on it strangely showed up nothing on TD Jesus.  I searched “sculpture,” “statue,” and “King of Kings” (the piece’s official name)… nothing.  Have they abandoned the project?  Was the original fire in fact self-arson so the church’s leadership could collect insurance and also raise more money from sympathetic believers?  It’s a mystery.

I did learn, however, that “We’re not about building religion, we’re about building relationships.”  Perhaps they mean that literally, and they have decided that erecting enormous statues is not actually the best way to bring lost sheep into the fold.  In addition, should you find yourself at the church, “You can dress up or wear your favorite pair of jeans” because they want you to be comfortable while they preach at to you.

Religions don’t speak, people do

Over at Foreign Policy Watch, Jeb Koogler makes what should be an obvious point, but sadly never has been:

But religion does not speak and therefore cannot be essentialized. To talk of Islam as though it has a correct interpretation, i.e. “Islam says…”, is to begin from a poor understanding of religious hermeneutics. It is human beings who subjectively, and in a continuously changing way, interpret religious texts and provide accounts as to “correct” religious dogma and practice.

We often witness this attempt to essentialize Islam in contexts like this one: “What does Islam say about killing apostates?” This is a nonsensical question. “Islam” says nothing about the issue. Rather, the different schools of Islamic jurisprudence say something, groups of Indonesia and Saudi and Pakistani Muslims say various things, classical Sufis say other things, and so forth. We cannot speak about a definable essence — or correct meaning — of a religion with 1.2 billion adherents. We can only speak about the diversity of its interpretation and practice.

This is true of any faith. Take what may be a more familiar example: “What does Christianity say about killing apostates?” Well, Christianity doesn’t say anything about anything. There’s scripture, interpreted by both clerics and lay people. Hell, “Christianity” isn’t even clear on who is allowed to interpret it. Sure, I’d suspect that most Christians believe that you shouldn’t kill apostates, but I’m not convinced that’s some universal belief, forget about being “said by Christianity.”

The church I grew up in was, by and large, part of the fundamentalist tradition. It was even a part of the Independent Fundamentalist Churches of America, the association that, I guess, served as the “denomination” (think “Anarchists’ Club”). But, sometime in the 1990s, there was a split—a schism between people who believed that Jesus was always the Son of God, and those who believed that Jesus became the Son of God when he was born. Seriously.

So, how can people think that there’s a possibility that “Islam” teaches anything, any more than “Christianity” or “Judaism” teaches anything?

John 14:27

I park the car behind the house, on the grass on the far side of the driveway. I come in through the back door. I’m expected. The back door leads directly to the kitchen, and nothing’s cooking. It’s only 11:15, so nothing would be.

No one greets me. The long walk from the door through the kitchen takes years. I remember last week. I remember how frail she looked, how much frailer than the week before, and the week before that, and the month before that. My foot hits the threshold of the living room. It touches carpet. My shoes are so loud, they’ve been crashing into the linoleum, but she knew I was here the moment I pulled into the driveway. Her bed looks out onto the street, and she saw my car.

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God Caught Backing Multiple Candidates

Dan Amira has an amusing piece up at NY Mag noting that Republican candidates Herman Cain, Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum have all claimed that God wants them to run for president. But:

God hasn’t been universally generous with his support. He went out of his way to let Mike Huckabee know that he shouldn’t run for president, lest he take his focus off the much more important task of producing a series of conservative American history DVDs. And though God arranged for Sarah Palin to be chosen as John McCain’s running mate in 2008, there’s nothing to indicate that he backs her potential candidacy in 2012. Nevertheless, the fact that God has privately encouraged the candidacies of three different Republicans may cause voters to question whether, in reality, he really even has any preference at all.

God could not be reached for comment by press time, because, a spokesman says, he was helping a baseball player hit a game-winning home run, giving an old churchgoing lady the winning lottery numbers, making sure that a plane made it through the turbulence okay, helping someone survive a heart attack, and also, just for fun, creating a new animal that’s like a cross between a leopard and an alligator.

Fact-Checking the Apocalypse

The Last Judgment by Hans Memling c. 1467-1471

Guess the end of the world isn’t so close after all:

On ABC’s “This Week,” the Rev. Franklin Graham was wrong when he said that earthquakes, wars and famines are occurring “with more frequency and more intensity.”

The preacher, who is the son of the Rev. Billy Graham and president and CEO of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, discussed the prophecy of Armageddon with host Christiane Amanpour during a special Easter edition of the Sunday talk show.

Graham, April 24: I believe we are in the latter days of this age. When I say “latter days,” could it be the last hundred years or the last thousand years or the last six months? I don’t know.

But the Bible, the things that the Bible predicts, earthquakes and famines, nation rising against nation, we see this happening with more frequency and more intensity.

On all three counts, the preacher is wrong. Today’s famines and armed conflicts are fewer and relatively smaller than those in the last century, and the frequency of major earthquakes has remained about the same.

Here’s is a great translation of the show. The site, “The Bobblespeak Translations,” is among my favorite things on the Internet these days.

Praying for Rain

This is real:

TO ALL TO WHOM THESE PRESENTS SHALL COME:

WHEREAS, the state of Texas is in the midst of an exceptional drought, with some parts of the state receiving no significant rainfall for almost three months, matching rainfall deficit records dating back to the 1930s; and

WHEREAS, a combination of higher than normal temperatures, low precipitation and low relative humidity has caused an extreme fire danger over most of the State, sparking more than 8,000 wildfires which have cost several lives, engulfed more than 1.8 million acres of land and destroyed almost 400 homes, causing me to issue an ongoing disaster declaration since December of last year; and

WHEREAS, these dire conditions have caused agricultural crops to fail, lake and reservoir levels to fall and cattle and livestock to struggle under intense stress, imposing a tremendous financial and emotional toll on our land and our people; and

WHEREAS, throughout our history, both as a state and as individuals, Texans have been strengthened, assured and lifted up through prayer; it seems right and fitting that the people of Texas should join together in prayer to humbly seek an end to this devastating drought and these dangerous wildfires;

NOW, THEREFORE, I, RICK PERRY, Governor of Texas, under the authority vested in me by the Constitution and Statutes of the State of Texas, do hereby proclaim the three-day period from Friday, April 22, 2011, to Sunday, April 24, 2011, as Days of Prayer for Rain in the State of Texas. I urge Texans of all faiths and traditions to offer prayers on that day for the healing of our land, the rebuilding of our communities and the restoration of our normal way of life.

IN TESTIMONY WHEREOF, I have hereunto signed my name and have officially caused the Seal of State to be affixed at my Office in the City of Austin, Texas, this the 21st day of April, 2011.

RICK PERRY
Governor of Texas

I’d say “Only in Texas,” but you know that’s not true.

You just can’t make this shit up

Fox Nation reports the news:

President Obama misquoted a familiar Bible verse during a faith-based address at the National Prayer Breakfast.

“Those who wait on the Lord will soar on wings like eagles, and they will run and not be weary, and they will walk and not faint,” the president said during a speech to several thousand people at the breakfast.

But the actual passage, from Isaiah 40:31, states: “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

Oh noes! The president might have misquoted scripture! They sound similar and say exactly the same thing, so you wouldn’t think it would be a notable thing anyway. But, let’s assume there is a point here. And they’re technically correct , if you look at the King James Version. But what about, say, a different translation? There are several English translations of the Bible in regular use. Let’s try the New International Version.

³¹ but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

I’m starting to think that maybe somebody was trying really, really hard to make a story out of this.

Bill O’Reilly challenges “scientists” to explain how the moon got there

And, fuckin’ magnets: How do they work?

“Haiti has become one of the greatest money laundering operations in history”

I hope you don’t hate long, well written essays that leave you depressed and violently angry all at once, because Abe Sauer at The Awl is bringing it with: “Our Government-Funded Mission to Make Haiti Christian: Your Tax Dollars, Billy Graham’s Son, Monsanto and Sarah Palin.” Here’s  just the opening graph:

The story that best describes Haiti’s last year is not from a slum, nor from a cholera clinic. It’s not to be found in the rubble—but in a courtroom in Texas.

In November, 2010, Lewis Lucke, a former U.S. ambassador to Swaziland and former USAID official in Haiti, filed suit against Haiti Recovery Group Ltd. for some $500,000 in unpaid fees for the tens of millions of dollars in contracts Lucke secured for the group in the days after the earthquake. After leaving his USAID position, Lucke immediately signed a $30,000 a month “consulting” contract with the Haiti Recovery Group, a conglomerate formed by several American contractors with the specific goal of securing U.S. funding. Lucke used the contacts developed while at USAID to score the conglomerate over $20 million in contracts. Then it canned him. Sucker.

Lucke’s take is typical of a Haiti that’s become a massively swelled teat on which NGOs profitably suckle. Overall, Haiti has become one of the greatest money laundering operations in history, an island engine turning public funds into private profits.

What’s more, U.S. taxpayer dollars are, against Presidential directive, being funneled from the United States Agency for International Development to Billy Graham’s charities for use in Christian proselytizing—all while building Sarah Palin’s 2012 campaign army.

Go ahead. Read it all and get angry.

Finally, an explanation for the dropping of the birds

Yup, that’s right: The repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell made the birds drop out of the sky.

Humanity

Sometimes it’s difficult to remember that humanity does, in fact, share a story and a world.

Stories of violence, hate and disregard dominate our newspapers, our computer screens and our television sets. Brother against brother, goes the American Civil War idiom. One could often ask: How is it that the most human of characteristics is actually inhumanity?

Yet, there are occasional stories of true humanity: the humanity that unites, that truly does live to its promise of neighborly love and selflessness. That gives up its pretense of righteousness and arrogance in return for its soul.

Coptic Christians in Egypt, a very small minority population, are often targets of violence. Just a few days ago on New Years Eve, 21 were killed in Saint’s Church in Alexandria in a brutal attack. But, the attacks did not lead to more division between Christians and Muslims. In fact, the opposite happened. The people, both Christians and Muslims, responded with solidarity as Egyptians.

Reports Yasmine El-Rashidi for Ahram:

Egypt’s majority Muslim population stuck to its word Thursday night. What had a been a promise of solidarity to the weary Coptic community, was honoured, when thousands of Muslims showed up at Coptic Christmas eve mass services in churches around the country and at candle light vigils held outside.

From the well-known to the unknown, Muslims had offered their bodies as “human shields” for last night’s mass, making a pledge to collectively fight the threat of Islamic militants and towards an Egypt free from sectarian strife.

“We either live together, or we die together,” was the sloganeering genius of Mohamed El-Sawy, a Muslim arts tycoon whose cultural centre distributed flyers at churches in Cairo Thursday night, and who has been credited with first floating the “human shield” idea.

Among those shields were movie stars Adel Imam and Yousra, popular preacher Amr Khaled, the two sons of President Hosni Mubarak, and thousands of citizens who have said they consider the attack one on Egypt as a whole.

“This is not about us and them,” said Dalia Mustafa, a student who attended mass at Virgin Mary Church on Maraashly. “We are one. This was an attack on Egypt as a whole, and I am standing with the Copts because the only way things will change in this country is if we come together.”

In reading this, I’m reminded of Heartsong Church in Cordova, Tennessee, the church that instead of shooing away a potential mosque neighbor, invited the Muslim congregation to use their space while the mosque was being built. “What would Jesus do if He were us? He would welcome the neighbor,” the pastor, Steve Stone, said.

Yet, at the same time, protests against building a mosque in nearby Murfreesboro continue (a judge recently dismissed a lawsuit against building it). And, the big nonsense story of last year, the potential for a Muslim community center in Manhattan, still incites ignorant hatred.

Sometimes, there’s just too much yelling and not enough talking. Perhaps it’s time we follow the example of our Egyptian brothers and sisters.

Wreaths Across America

Hundreds of volunteers came out in the cold today at Arlington National Cemetery to lay wreaths at the graves of those who served in our armed services.

It was an opportunity to visit the graves of those who served honorably, many whose grave may not be visited on any other day of the year.  Over 24,000 donated wreaths were placed on graves in Sections 28, 38, 43, and 60 of the cemetery.  Communities across the nation participate, and if you are looking to participate next year check out Wreaths Across America.

More pictures after the jump. Continue reading »

Happy last night of Chanukah! It’s not too late to make some latkes…

Feeling sad because you haven’t had any potato pancakes this Chanukah?  Never fear, I come bearing a recipe for the best latkes ever.  My goal when making latkes is to replicate my mom’s perfect latkes– crispy on the outside, golden brown, and a little soft on the inside.  This is harder to accomplish than you might imagine.  Latkes are finnicky– throw them in the frying pan, and they might fall apart, or burn on the outside, or get so crunchy that you might as well just be eating potato chips.

I won’t lie and say these are super-easy: they’re time-consuming and you have to watch them carefully on the stove to get the right done-ness.  But I will say that they are quite delicious.  This recipe is from the wonderful Mollie Katzen, of Moosewood Restaurant fame.

The three times I’ve made them, I’ve been cooking for a group and I’ve doubled or tripled the recipe.  Recipe after the jump.

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Poem of the Week: Chanukah Lights Tonight

For the second night of Chanukah, I cooked latkes and lit menorahs with some non-Jews who, like all of us, can appreciate the beauty of fried potatoes and candlelight.  My hair smells like cooking oil now, but I kinda like it that way.

Here’s a poem about someone else’s festive celebration.

Chanukah Lights Tonight

By Steven Schneider

Our annual prairie Chanukah party—
latkes, kugel, cherry blintzes.
Friends arrive from nearby towns
and dance the twist to “Chanukah Lights Tonight,”
spin like a dreidel to a klezmer hit.

The candles flicker in the window.
Outside, ponderosa pines are tied in red bows.
If you squint,
the neighbors’ Christmas lights
look like the Omaha skyline.

The smell of oil is in the air.
We drift off to childhood
where we spent our gelt
on baseball cards and matinees,
cream sodas and potato knishes.

No delis in our neighborhood,
only the wind howling over the crushed corn stalks.
Inside, we try to sweep the darkness out,
waiting for the Messiah to knock,
wanting to know if he can join the party.