Poem of the week: If

Happy birthday, Rudyard Kipling, born this day in 1865.

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Poem of the Week: Consent

Poem of the Week: Ex Machina

Today’s Excuse for a Picture of Paul Newman

What’s that?  You want to know what the excuse is?  It’s not enough to just gaze at those faces?

Fine.  Here you go:

Did Butch Cassidy, the notorious Old West outlaw who most historians believe perished in a 1908 shootout in Bolivia, actually survive that battle and live to old age, peacefully and anonymously, in Washington state? And did he pen an autobiography detailing his exploits while cleverly casting the book as biography under another name?

A rare books collector says he has obtained a manuscript with new evidence that may give credence to that theory.

-Mead Gruver, AP

Rick Perry: Contender?

Even before he announced his presidential campaign, Rick Perry had been generating a lot of buzz.  And now that he’s officially in, media types are giving him all the attention he could want.  Here’s John Dickerson, writing in Slate about Perry’s campaign debut:

Perry's started with protein-rich Powerbar of biography—growing up in Paint Creek, Texas, a town without a ZIP code, farming cotton with little rain, his achievements in 4-H and the Boy Scouts, flying jets in the Air Force.

He didn't take on any of his opponents. It's way too early for that. The lines of distinction were obvious, though. He stressed his record of creating jobs—the central question in the campaign. He promised to cut government spending, and if Congress didn't go along, he would use his veto pen "until the ink went dry."

I can't deny that Perry has some compelling details in his personal story.  Personally, I like the one where he shot a coyote while out for a run.  He's photogenic, a smooth talker, and scary as a candidate because he's a lot better at hiding his crazy than, say, Michele Bachmann.  But at the same time, as a three-term governor, he has a long record to be examined and highlighted.

And ultimately, when I close my eyes and listen to him talk, I can't be the only one whose visceral reaction "oh god not that again."

Book Rec: Up for Renewal

Earlier this summer, I had the privilege of attending an event with several wonderful women writers, including Cathy Alter.  I should say up front, in the interest of full disclosure, that I liked Cathy–a lot– when I met her.  She’s funny, self-deprecating, thoughtful, and very warm.  This is a good thing, because if I hadn’t gotten such a positive impression of her, I probably never would have picked up her memoir, Up for Renewal.  The premise: Alter, in the wake of a divorce and in the middle of several bad decisions, decides to give her life over to magazines for advice.  Not just any magazines, though: she turns to the gurus of women’s magazines, from O to Real Simple to Cosmo, plus about a dozen others.

It will surprise no one to know that I’m not a big fan of so-called women’s magazines.  Sometimes they’re fun to flip through, but much like Sex and the City or a jumbo candy bar, the sugar rush tends to wear off and leave me feeling sick.  Women are so much more than sex and fashion, and yet a look at the newsstands would have you believe that all us ladies have a couple primary goals: 1) drop some weight, 2) so we can have mindblowing sex (mindblowing for our male partners, anyway), 3) and also, get this season’s hottest look on the cheap.  Ugh.

So I was skeptical of the idea that women’s magazines could serve as a self-help guide.  And yet, Cathy Alter made it work.  Key to her success is that she wanted to make serious changes in her life; the magazines provided tips and some framework, but they weren’t the catalyst.  She could have picked another genre of magazine and probably gotten to the same results, albeit perhaps not quite as hilariously.

Alter’s candor, humor, and distinctive voice make the memoir an incredibly engaging read. As it happened, I read the book during a three-week road trip, and I got to the chapter on “Roughing It”– in which Alter conquers some demons by camping out  for the first time– as I was getting ready for a week in a tent.  The chapter provided only some of my many laugh-out loud moments while reading.

Good for: a summer read that’s fun, but not all fluff.  There’s serious insight to be found, and a level of self-reflective honesty that’s rare even in the memoir genre.

But is it just for girls?  Mmm, maybe.  I read a few sections aloud to my boyfriend, and he laughed, but I imagine the typical male reader wouldn’t find as much that resonates with his own experience as I did.

Excerpt:

This month I would jump into unfamiliar waters [...] There was something really transformational in taking an active role in my life.  To do this, I had to get out of my comfort zone, away from my laptop, away from my merlot and must-see television.

I had to go camping.

It was an idea that I had been batting around since Karl invited me to join him and a few of his friends in Monterey, California, to watch the American leg of the MotoGP, an around-the-world race on motorcycles.  To defray the cost of the trip, the group was going to camp on the sanctioned grounds of the racetrack, which they had reserved for the low, low price of forty dollars.

With a complete lack of experience with the great outdoors, I wasn’t just getting out of my comfort zone–I was excommunicating it entirely.  But the giddy realization that Karl wanted to spend three solid days with me overrode any fears I had about bathing in a lake or cooking beans over an open flame–that’s what you did when you camped, right?

Only after I accepted the invitation did the compound subject of tent and me really sink in.

‘Does he realize he’s camping with the princess and the pea?’ was my mother’s response upon hearing my plans.  She urged me to inform Karl that most Jews prefer hot and cold running water and toilets that flush. ‘Tell him you want to stay in a five-star hotel.’

In Praise of Quitters

If you want ultimate productivity you might want to think about aggressively removing everything you don’t want to do from your life. Declutter your headspace. If you really want to live passionately, you’ll need to consider leaving nearly everything you’re not passionate about. I want to emphasize that it’s not quitting things and being flaky that will make you productive, it’s the aggressive elimination of everything that doesn’t make you come alive.

-Clay Collins on zenhabits

“Here’s a Headline That You Wish You’d Written”

was the subject line of my dad’s email today.  He knows me so well!

Sand kitten gives hope for near-extinct species, is ridiculously cute

The headline also happens to be true.

Touchdown Jesus Non-Update

Okay, guys. I’m sorry to report that on my latest trek from the Dayton Airport to Cincinnati, there was no sign of the new Touchdown Jesus sculpture. Have plans stalled out? Has the Solid Rock Church of Monroe, Ohio failed to raise the funds for the replacement giant-ass savior statue?

I thought that a quick perusal of the church’s website could answer my question. The church does have a snazzy-looking site, but the five minutes I was willing to spend on it strangely showed up nothing on TD Jesus.  I searched “sculpture,” “statue,” and “King of Kings” (the piece’s official name)… nothing.  Have they abandoned the project?  Was the original fire in fact self-arson so the church’s leadership could collect insurance and also raise more money from sympathetic believers?  It’s a mystery.

I did learn, however, that “We’re not about building religion, we’re about building relationships.”  Perhaps they mean that literally, and they have decided that erecting enormous statues is not actually the best way to bring lost sheep into the fold.  In addition, should you find yourself at the church, “You can dress up or wear your favorite pair of jeans” because they want you to be comfortable while they preach at to you.

Spectacular Views

The band Rilo Kiley has split up, which is kind of a bummer.  As it happens, their song “Spectacular Views” kept coming into my head yesterday while hiking, before I’d heard the news of the official band breakup.  So, as a goodbye and thank-you to a band I enjoyed greatly, here they are playing the song back in 2005.

Beauty as well as Bread

“Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul.” –John Muir

Jack B. and I went for a hike yesterday to the top of Mt. Washburn, in Yellowstone National Park.  It was short but strenuous, up-up-up for three miles and then back down the way we came, after stopping a while to appreciate the panoramic view from the top: several mountain ranges, Yellowstone lake, canyon, valleys and forests.  In addition to the natural beauty throughout the hike, we also happened upon a group of bighorn sheep, ewes and their babies, who wandered right past us and then went frolicking across the snow.

It was quite the beautiful day.  Jeez, I love national parks.

Poem of the Week: In the Mushroom Summer

Gone Fishin’

Okay, no actual fishing per se.  But Jack Burden and I are off on a western adventure, seeing states unseen and national parks unvisited… by us, since everywhere we’re going is pretty popular for tourists.

Anyway, that’s why we won’t be blogging regularly for a spell, but I’m hoping to snatch the occasional few minutes plus internet connection to check in on V&V.  How about some landscape photos?  Here’s Colorado:

Boulder Falls, roaring.  We were there, we got sprayed by the waterfall mist, and it was gorgeous.

Eldorado Canyon.  We were there, we climbed (a very very small) portion of it, and it was awesome.

Hugs from the West,

Lady B

Poem of the Week: July in Washington

Morning Constitutional – Thursday, 23 June 2011

Good morning… if it is a good morning, which I doubt.  I’m feeling a bit Eeyore-ish today, not enough sleep and a bit fuzzy in the head.  But speaking of Eeyore, the new Winnie the Pooh movie coming out this summer looks pretty cute, and John Cleese is in it, too.  What?  You’re not five and therefore don’t care?  Fine.  Here’s some news:

President Obama outlined his plan for Afghanistan, which would involve bringing home 33,000 ‘surge’ troops.

France plans to follow the US timetable for withdrawal of its troops from Afghanistan.

Alleged Boston mobster James “Whitey” Bulger was taken into custody by the FBI after 16 years of evading capture.

The unlikely duo of Barney Frank and Ron Paul band together to introduce a bill that would legalize marijuana and allow states to set up their own rules for governing its use.

Chinese artist and activist Ai Weiwei has been released after three months in jail on charges of tax evasion–though many believe he was detained due to his vocal criticism of the Communist Party.

The Winklevi twins have dropped their appeal of a settlement with Mark Zuckerberg.

Self-help author James Ray was found guilty of negligent homicide in the case of three people who died while participating in a sweat lodge ceremony he operated.

J.K. Rowling will sell the Harry Potter series in e-book form for the first time, through a new website, Pottermore.

Opponents of San Francisco’s proposed ban on male infant circumcision have sued to get the measure off the ballot.

While not running for president, Donald Trump did achieve another dubious distinction: he’s now the highest paid reality show star ever.

Should the lady tennis players at Wimbledon stop their unseemly grunting?

From the Desk of Duh-Inducing Research, a new study from Harvard tells us that eating French fries and potato chips can cause weight gain.

Finally, US Airways’ confusing dress code for men: baggy pants revealing underwear are not all right (and warrant removal from plane if not pulled up), but wearing just women’s underwear with no pants on top is a-okay.

No, Thank YOU! (Sappy Human Interest Story of the Day)

As I mentioned a few days ago, I’m now in possession of an oh-so-endearing forehead scar.  It’s right in the middle, too, so it looks kind of like the first zig in Harry Potter’s lightning scar.  Or, as 6-year-old N. puts it, “please can you show me your Frankenstein scrape again?”

In addition to the aesthetic issue, there’s also the fact that I’m supposed to keep my scar out of the sun for, oh, about a year, to make sure it doesn’t burn (which would make the scarring worse).  So I dug around my scarf collection, bought a few cheap headbands, and, most fun, used the occasion as an excuse for my first shopping foray on Etsy.  Believe me when I say I’m not much for shopping, online or otherwise (in stores, I have about a 20 minute limit before I get extremely cranky), but Etsy is addictive.  I ordered a few things from a few places, including a sweet vintage sun hat.

I’d been looking forward to the mail for a few days now, and today my first package arrived, from the totally wonderful EMBERvintage.  Girls (or dudes shopping for girls), check it out, seriously.  So much adorableness.

This picture makes me feel so freaking warm and fuzzy.  Hand-drawn thank-you note, assuring me I’ve earned good karma by shopping vintage; multi-colored tissue paper wrapping; plus a freebie: earrings and bracelet with “traditioanl Buddhist meditation/prayer beads” from another Etsy vendor.

And the hat is great.  Works with brim up or down and I think avoids the “why are you wearing that hat and not working in a field?” or “shouldn’t you be at the beach in a hat like that?” sun hat conundrum.  I also got a rad mini skirt from the same shop, which I’m equally excited about wearing.

Bottom line: I’m fairly certain no clothing purchase has ever made me happier.

Poem of the Week: Do Not Make Things Too Easy

Morning Constitutional – Wednesday, 22 June 2011

Good morning! Michele Bachmann used Katy Perry’s song “Firework” during a campaign appearance, apparently unaware how gay it is of the fact that Perry dedicated the song to the “It Gets Better” campaign.  Colin Meloy reiterated his offer of “Calamity Song” as a substitute.  Here’s some actual news:

Michelle Obama visited 92-year-old Nelson Mandela during her trip this week to South Africa and Botswana.

Ho hum, former Obama Cabinet member Jon Huntsman launched his campaign for president.

The Greek government’s new cabinet survived the parliament’s vote of confidence in a vote of 155 to 143.

Thousands of residents of Minot, North Dakota have been told to evacuate their homes in advance of expected record flooding.

Maria Gomes Valentim, the Guinness World Records ranked world’s oldest person, has died at age 114.

New FDA regulations will require all cigarette packs to include large graphic images along with warnings that smoking kills.

Mark Kelly, Gabrielle Giffords’ astronaut husband, is retiring from NASA, and the two will write a memoir together.

Watch this impossibly cute baby hummingbird video.  No it’s not news, but just watch it, you cold-hearted jerk.

And finally, a woman somehow stole a mink coat by hiding it in her underwear.

Jon Stewart v. Chris Wallace

Unlike that time a few years back when Jon Stewart eviscerated Tucker Carlson on his own show, Stewart’s latest parry on Fox at least involved some give and take.  I mean, Stewart still made Fox “News” look completely ridiculous, and he gave the lie to most of Wallace’s presumptions and assertions.  But in addition to the schadenfraude fun of watching Fox look dumb on Fox, there were also some great thought-provoking inquiries into the current status of mainstream media (which Stewart says he and Wallace both deride, but for very different reasons).

The question of where Stewart himself lies on the spectrum between comedian and pundit is an interesting one, too.  I think he can be somewhat disingenuous when he downplays his political influence.   But at the same time, it’s funny to watch Wallace twist himself into knots trying to say that a) Stewart is more of an ideological force than he’ll admit while at the same time b) Comedy Central is a silly channel and somehow that means Fox can’t be silly too, or can’t be criticized by Stewart, or… actually, I don’t know what he was trying to prove with the South Park-is-so-vulgar bit.

Okay, see for yourself.  Here’s part one of the two-part interview, go to YouTube to watch part two.

(PS– When Jon Stewart gets all thoughtful and incisive like this, I get a total intellectual lady boner for him.  Just can’t help it).

Depressing Health Care Story of the Day

I wish this were satirical.

[W]hen he was laid off from Coca Cola three years ago, Verone was desperate to find work. He eventually found employment as a convenience clerk, yet he began to notice a protrusion in his chest. He developed arthritis and carpal tunnel syndrome, and soon the pain became too much for him to bear. He filed for disability, but he was denied any sort of coverage by the federal government.

So earlier this month, Verone drove to a local RBC Bank and told the teller he was robbing them for a dollar. He said he wanted to rob the bank in order to go to jail and get medical coverage[...]

Full story over at Think Progress