Gross

Glenn Beck says all the time that people should leave families alone. But, I guess it didn’t stop him from making fun of Malia Obama on his radio show. Dude, she’s 11. You’re making fun of a little girl; that’s just sick. Via Media Matters, above is some audio, and a partial transcript below:

BECK: (imitating Malia) Daddy? Daddy? Daddy, did you plug the hole yet? Daddy?

PAT GRAY (co-host): (imitating Obama) No I didn’t, honey.

BECK: (imitating Malia) Daddy, I know you’re better than [unintelligible]

GRAY: (imitating Obama) Mm-hmm, big country.

BECK: (imitating Malia) And I was wondering if you’ve plugged that hole yet.

GRAY: (imitating Obama) Honey, not yet.

BECK: (imitating Malia) Why not, daddy? But daddy–

GRAY: (imitating Obama) Not time yet, honey. Hasn’t done enough damage.

BECK: (imitating Malia) Daddy?

GRAY: (imitating Obama) Not enough damage yet, honey.

BECK: (imitating Malia) Daddy?

GRAY: (imitating Obama) Yeah?

BECK: (imitating Malia) Why do you hate black people so much?

GRAY: (imitating Obama) I’m part white, honey.

BECK: (imitating Malia) What?

GRAY: (imitating Obama) What?

BECK: (imitating Malia) What’d you say?

GRAY: (imitating Obama) Excuse me?

BECK: (laughing) This is such a ridiculous — this is such a ridiculous thing that his daughter– (imitating Malia) Daddy?

GRAY: It’s so stupid.

BECK: How old is his daughter? Like, thirteen?

GRAY: Well, one of them’s, I think, thirteen, one’s eleven, or something.

BECK: “Did you plug the hole yet, daddy?” Is that’s their — that’s the level of their education, that they’re coming to — they’re coming to daddy and saying ‘Daddy, did you plug the hole yet?’ ” Plug the hole!

GRAY: (imitating Obama) Yes, I was doing some deep-sea diving yesterday, and–

BECK: (imitating Malia) Daddy?

GRAY: (imitating Obama) Yeah, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, I was doing–

BECK: (imitating Malia) Why–

GRAY: (imitating Obama) Yeah, honey, I’m–

BECK (imitating Malia) Why, why, why, why, do you still let the polar bears die? Daddy, why do you still let Sarah Palin destroy the environment? Why are — Daddy, why don’t you just put her in some sort of a camp?

Well, at least he’s apologized. I mean, I guess it’s better than nothing. Of course, you could have just not made fun of a little girl, you dip-shit, to begin with.

UPDATE: Glenn Beck apologizes:

In discussing how President Obama uses children to shield himself from criticism, I broke my own rule about leaving kids out of political debates. The children of public figures should be left on the sidelines. It was a stupid mistake and I apologize–and as a dad I should have known better.

Friday Funny – “I’ve got a tremendous thirst on.”

From That Mitchell and Webb Look. Enjoy some Jurgenbrau alcoholic lager beer this weekend.

New York Times Columnist Line of the Day

If you’re one of the four-or-so frequent readers of this here blog, chances are you also occasionally check out the New York Times op-ed page. You may even know the names: Thomas “Friedman Ain’t Free” Friedman, Gail “The Colander” Collins, Nicholas “The Dark Crystal” Kristof, &c. Well, I’ve decided to devote a daily feature to these folks, by daily pointing out one line that is either awesome, funny, insightful, intelligent, ridiculous, or utterly divorced from reality. I hope you enjoy.

Today’s is from Roger “Life of the Party” Cohen’s great piece “Hell in the Islamic Republic,” in which he concludes:

Shun the realist and idealist bravura for the gray area where things get done.

Not a bad principle by which to base decisions and actions.

Morning Constitutional – Friday, 28 May 2010

Good morning, everybody. Could Lady Gaga have…lupus? Now, your morning constitutional:

President Obama is visiting Louisiana Friday to assess the ecological disaster caused by the oil spill in the Gulf. U.S. officials and BP believe the spill has been patched, although they will not know for sure for a couple days. The spill is believed to be the worst in U.S. history.

And here I thought Rand Paul loved the Constitution.

The House of Representatives on Thursday voted for an amendment to a military funding bill to repeal the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy banning gays from serving in the military pending a Pentagon study. The Senate Armed Forces Committee also voted to send the same amendment to the Senate floor, which is expected to be voted on Friday.

Trinidad and Tobago swore in Kamla Persad-Bissessar as its first woman prime minister on Wednesday.

A study by the Center for Disease Control has found that condom use increased drastically in the past several decades: 73 percent of women use a male condom the first time they have sex, compared with 34 percent in 1985.

How the tea party could cost Republicans some Senate races this fall.

At least 70 are dead and 115 injured after two trains collided in eastern India in an incident many are blaming on Maoist rebels.

Brushing your teeth could decrease your chances of suffering a heart attack?

Ukraine is planning a bid for the 2022 Winter Olympics.

A history of racial classification on the U.S. Senate from 1790 to 2010.

Chris Wilson at Slate: If Iraq is to thrive, some former members of the Baathist party must be rehabilitated.

Australia is planning to take legal action against Japan for whaling in the Antarctic.

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia says that Elena Kagan’s lack of judicial experience is no detriment to her qualifications for the Court.

Fight breaks out among at least 100 kids during a field trip to the zoo in Cleveland.

Finally, dwile flonking is apparently against the law.

Live-Trolling the Revolution

Tuesday, the GOP rolled out a new website, AmericaSpeakingOut.com, which solicits new ideas from the public and allows this very same public to give the ideas a thumbs-up or thumbs-down. They’re very, very proud and excited about this.

“I would expect the ideas that come out of this Web site and the involvement of our members will lead to ideas that we can attempt to implement today,” House Minority Leader John Boehner proclaimed. “We want to continue to offer better solutions to address the problems that America is facing, and we see this as a giant step forward, directly engaging the American people in the development of those solutions.”

Sure, the GOP should be proud about building a website. Even if it doesn’t really display properly in Chrome. (The Web site not only “has cutting-edge technology,” asserted Rep. Peter Roskam (Ill.), “but a winsome design that is easy for people to interact with.”) But I digress. It’s a step forward for the party that seems to have got off the technology train at Radio Station. Only, somebody should have mentioned that soliciting anonymous comments on the Internet is generally a bad idea. Below, I’ve gone and compiled a few awesome ones. (Of course, feel free to add your favorites in our comments. Get it?)

A ‘teacher’ told my child in class that dolphins were mammals and not fish! And the same thing about whales! We need TRADITIONAL VALUES in all areas of education. If it swims in the water, it is a FISH. Period! End of Story.

I say, repeal all the amendments to the Constitution.

Continue reading »

Have you met Les Phillip, the American patriot running for Congress from Alabama?

The newest in our unofficial series where we meet candidates and look at their awesome advertisements, I’d like you to meet Les Phillip, who vows to protect America from enemies both foreign and domestic:

Honestly, I thought we were done with the whole “Obama-pallin’-around-with-terrorists” thing, but I guess nothing wins quite like the classics. Like an opening band playing ’80s covers, I guess you’ve got to give the people what they know.

New York Times Columnist Line of the Day

If you’re one of the four-or-so frequent readers of this here blog, chances are you also occasionally check out the New York Times op-ed page. You may even know the names: Thomas “Friedman Ain’t Free” Friedman, Gail “The Colander” Collins, Nicholas “The Dark Crystal” Kristof, &c. Well, I’ve decided to devote a daily feature to these folks, by daily pointing out one line that is either awesome, funny, insightful, intelligent, ridiculous, or utterly divorced from reality. I hope you enjoy.

Today’s is from Gail “The Colander” Collins, who in her column “Who Wants to Elect a Millionaire?” writes about Linda McMahon’s campaign for Senate in Connecticut:

On the plus side, ever since Linda McMahon developed political ambitions, the W.W.E. has attempted to clean up the more outrageous elements in its act, sparing millions of impressionable children from the old hints of necrophilia, the abundance of gore and the side stories in which Stephanie lost her blouse in the ring, Vince ran off with a floozy and Linda was sexually assaulted by a competing promoter.

Local news reporter has some difficulty bringing you the news

All it takes is a matter of seconds to get into your vehicle.

Morning Constitutional – Thursday, 27 May 2010

Good morning, folks. Conan’s writers are getting their own comedy special on TBS in June. Now, your morning constitutional:

“Top Kill” method effective at stopping the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico, says Coast Guard admiral.

A bomb disguised as a pack of juice exploded in the southern Russian city of Stavropol, killing seven and injuring at least 40.

Despite recently being called out for saying he served in Vietnam when he didn’t, Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal is still popular in Connecticut and leads former wrestling executive Linda McMahon in the race for the Senate by a 56 percent to 31 percent margin in a new poll.

Republicans in Congress argue that the U.S. cannot afford to care for 9/11 first responders.

Can Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid get his preferred opponent in the upcoming election?

The Spanish government cut its budget Thursday by €15 billion for this year and next—passed by a single vote.

Hungary on Wednesday passed a controversial new law that grants citizenship, on a case-by-case basis, to anyone with Hungarian descent.

“Haunted” house for sale.

Retired Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor supports Kagan’s nomination for the bench.

House Democratic leaders call on committee heads to find duplicate and wasteful programs to cut from budget.

McCain campaign calls J.D. Hayworth dumb. Hayworth campaign responds by misspelling McCain’s name.

New survey: Vienna the city with the highest quality of life; Bahgdad dead last.

E.J. Dionne: When oil rigs explode, everybody’s a socialist.

Apple passes Microsoft as the world’s most valuable tech company.

Finally, a dinosaur park is giving away a giant brontosaurus model. Free dinosaur.

A lesson in sportsmanship: Dominant high school softball team forfeits to help out struggling new team

CC photo by Flickr user army.arch

Because, sometimes you just want to hear a story of people being awesome:

It happened at a junior varsity girls’ softball game in Indianapolis this spring. After an inning and a half, Roncalli was womanhandling inner-city Marshall Community. Marshall pitchers had already walked nine Roncalli batters. The game could’ve been 50-0 with no problem.

It’s no wonder. This was the first softball game in Marshall history. A middle school trying to move up to include grades 6 through 12, Marshall showed up to the game with five balls, two bats, no helmets, no sliding pads, no cleats, 16 players who’d never played before, and a coach who’d never even seen a game.

One Marshall player asked, “Which one is first base?” Another: “How do I hold this bat?” They didn’t know where to stand in the batter’s box. Their coaches had to be shown where the first- and third-base coaching boxes were.

That’s when Roncalli did something crazy. It offered to forfeit.

Yes, a team that hadn’t lost a game in 2½ years, a team that was going to win in a landslide purposely offered to declare defeat. Why? Because Roncalli wanted to spend the two hours teaching the Marshall girls how to get better, not how to get humiliated.

There, a great story to get you through the week. The rest is pretty incredible too.

Airplane! and Zero Hour!

Surely, you can’t be serious. Honestly, until finding this clip today, I had no idea how much of a connection Zero Hour! (straight outta 1957) has with far more widely known Airplane! (1980). I am serious…and don’t call me Shirley. Apparently, it’s a sort-of remake, and the makers actually bought the rights to Zero Hour. Who knew?

Brought to you with hopes of encouraging appreciation for the finer comedies.

Poem of the Week

I can’t believe it’s already the end of May.  Or that it’s almost 90 degrees here in DC.  Anyway, despite the August-like-heat, it’s peak wedding season: I went to one last weekend and am going another this weekend, and pretty much everyone I know seems to be attending weddings as well.  Yay for newlyweds!  And hideous bridesmaids’ dresses!  And personalized napkins!  And sentimental speeches!  And, you know, love and all that.  So for this week’s dose of poetry, I picked out this sweet one by former US Poet Laureate Ted Kooser.

It appears in his 2008 collection Valentines, a compilation of the postcard poems he sent to women across the country (up to 2,700 by the end of the project) every February 14 for over twenty years.  How endearing is that?  Thanks to my mom for sharing this poem with me.  Hope you like it too.

A Map of the World

by Ted Kooser

One of the ancient maps of the world
is heart-shaped, carefully drawn
and once washed with bright colors,
though the colors have faded
as you might expect feelings to fade
from a fragile old heart, the brown map
of a life. But feeling is indelible,
and longing infinite, a starburst compass
pointing in all the directions
two lovers might go, a fresh breeze
swelling their sails, the future uncharted,
still far from the edge
where the sea pours into the stars.

Stimulus bill more stimulating than expected

Conservative critics love to talk about how the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act, otherwise known as the “stimulus package,” has clearly not worked, because the economy hasn’t recovered yet. All I had to do was a cursory Google search to find this:

According to the latest survey of its members by the National Association of Business Economists:

“The vast majority (73%) of respondents reported the fiscal stimulus enacted in February 2009 has had no impact on employment to date. While 68% also believe a jobs bill, such as the one recently enacted into law, will have no impact on payrolls, 30% do believe it will boost payrolls moderately.”

Well, does the Congressional Budget Office have news for you. Not only has it worked as expected, but it has, in fact, exceeded expectations:

CBO estimates that in the first quarter of calendar year 2010, ARRA’s policies:

• Raised the level of real (inflation-adjusted) gross domestic product (GDP) by between 1.7 percent and 4.2 percent,
• Lowered the unemployment rate by between 0.7 percentage points and 1.5 percentage points.
• Increased the number of people employed by between 1.2 million and 2.8 million, and
• Increased the number of full-time-equivalent jobs by 1.8 million to 4.1 million compared with what those amounts would have been otherwise.

Here’s the CBO report (PDF).

President Obama backs Phoenix Suns’ protest of Arizona immigration law

It’s NBA play-off time, and the Phoenix Suns (playing the Los Angeles Lakers) donned their “Los Suns” jersey for the home games. Usually, they only wear the jerseys for games celebrating Hispanic heritage. This time, it was in protest of Arizona’s new immigration law. And supporting the protest is none other than the President of the United States:

“I think that just because somebody’s a sports figure or you’ve got a sports team doesn’t mean that you’re not part of the community and you’re not part of our democracy,” Obama said during a halftime interview on TNT. “I think it’s terrific that the Suns, who obviously feel very strongly about their community, recognize that a big part of their community felt threatened by this new law.”

Read the rest and watch the entire interview at The Hill’s Blog Briefing Room.

Hump-Day Song of the Week: Stuck Between Stations by the Hold Steady

I was just thinking about Kerouac’s On the Road yesterday, and as a result, this song popped in my head and wouldn’t leave, as it contains probably the best musical reference to On the Road in existence.