Things I Drink and So Should You: The Mint Julep

There’s a woman in my church who wears a proper church crown. I call it that because it deserves the name. It’s a royal blue, straw hat with plastic sunflowers emanating from the brim. She wears it proud, as each year of the 93 she’s been alive has earned her the right to wear it, and nothing could take that crown from her head.

I wish we lived in an era where it were not only appropriate but fashionable for women to wear church crowns. Hell, as a pastor, I wish it were fashionable for women to just come to church. But, barring that, I wish women would bring the hat back. Because when a woman wears a hat, a real hat, it lets everyone know that she is not to be trifled with, not to be played. A woman in a church crown is a woman who runs shit.

I suppose I should define church crown. A church crown isn’t just a hat. Every grandmother has a hat she’ll break out when the weather gets warm and the sun beats down. This is not that hat. In fact, if you’ve never been to a prayer meeting, you don’t know what a church crown is. Church crowns don’t just cover your head and keep you cool; church crowns let everyone know you’re in church. When you stand up to praise, it’s your hat that’s seen. That royal purple blob twenty pews ahead? That’s Dotty, praying for Raymond, like she has the last twenty years. And damn if you don’t put your head down and pray that this might be the week Ray finally gets it.

After 30 years of church, the sight of an honest church crown can put my chin into my neck for a minute of prayer, or simply some good old “yes ma’am”, even when I’m running the show. When Phyllis shows up with that sunflower halo, I know she needs Jesus, and I know she needs prayer. She’s got a dozen hats that she wears for church, but Sunday School kids that graduated before I was born made her that one. When she deigns to bring that to the congregation, we all know. We all pray.

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Okay, so this is f*cking brilliant

Tim Minchin and Fraser Davidson make the nastiest, filthiest and profanity-starringist anti-papal song and video ever. Not really safe for work at all.

(I’m very afraid that the fact that the song is now stuck in my head may get me in trouble at work.)

via The Daily What

Quick thought…

When President Obama inevitably next visits Arizona, I wonder who the police officer will be that first stops the president and demands his papers.

Friday Funny – Telephone, as performed by soldiers in Afghanistan

From the YouTube description: “This is a couple guys located in afghanistan, that re-made the music video by Lady Gaga….Telephone. Prepare yourself for a fantastical journey. Right now this is the temporary version, we have more scenes to cut, and edit, however with guys always on mission it is harder to film than you think.”

New York Times Columnist Line of the Day

If you’re one of the four-or-so frequent readers of this here blog, chances are you also occasionally check out the New York Times op-ed page. You may even know the names: Thomas “They Hate Us For Our Friedman” Friedman, Gail “The Colander” Collins, Nicholas “The Dark Crystal” Kristof, &c. Well, I’ve decided to devote a daily feature to these folks, by daily pointing out one line that is either awesome, funny, insightful, intelligent, ridiculous, or utterly divorced from reality. I hope you enjoy.

Today’s is from David “Yawny-Pants” Brooks, who in his column “American Power Act,” writes:

Energy innovation is the railroad legislation of today.

Well, he’s right to an extent. But, railroad legislation is also the railroad legislation of today, since building a network of high-speed railroads is, and should be, a priority as well. However, I do like that Brooks gets the necessity for carbon tax and investment in clean energy, a thought that makes most conservatives grimace (or scream epithets at rallies). I just wish he wouldn’t forget that we need new trains too.

Morning Constitutional – Friday 30 April 2010

Good morning everybody. A very happy early May Day and Derby Day to all of you. Now, your morning constitutional:

Oil from the massive spill in the Gulf of Mexico has reportedly reached shore overnight, although not confirmed by officials yet. Officials are stopping any new drilling until the spill is fully investigated.

Hawaii’s legislature passed a civil unions bill yesterday giving gay couples the same rights as married straight couples. The bill is sent to Gov. Lingle, a Republican, who remains undecided on whether to veto, sign or pass the bill. The bill did not pass with enough votes to override a veto.

The Belgian lower house of Parliament Thursday passed a ban banning women from wearing full-face Islamic veils in public.

Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin tracks polar bears, orders clean-up of polluted arctic territories.

House Minority Leader John Boehner promises to repeal health care reform if Republicans gain majority in the House.

The Economist re-draws the map of Europe.

Democrats unveil their framework for reforming immigration. Included: more border security, biometric Social Security cards, and a path for undocumented to become legal.

FiveThirtyEight unveils prediction for U.K. elections: 299 Tories, 199 Labour, 120 Lib-Dems. More: Post-UK debate scenarios; Strong second for Lib-Dems could help Tories.

Just a day after Charlie Crist upends the Florida senate race, Palm Beach billionaire Jeff Greene enters the race as a Democrat.

Led by a boost in customer spending, the economy grew at a brisk 3.2% during the first quarter of this year.

Microsoft explains humor. Seriously.

The Affordable Care Act, the health care reform package passed this Spring, gets a little more bipartisan support since its passage.

Chad’s government claims to have killed over a hundred insurgents near it’s Sudan/Darfur border.

The RNC complains that the president has no blacks on his Supreme Court shortlist. Except he does.

How black Baltimore drug dealers are using legal theories from white supremacists to confound the federal government.

The new Arizona immigration law may seem crazy, but TPM documents some other crazy legislation coming out of statehouses nationwide.

What the fuck should I make for dinner?

Another mine tragedy—in Kentucky—as second miner is found dead after a roof collapse in a mine with a history of safety issues.

According to a casual study of Snopes.com, President Obama is already the subject of twice as many rumors as President Bush after only one and a half years in office, and only 9% are true, compared to 43% for Bush.

Forget Goldman Sachs, the entire economy is built on fraud.

Finally, in a surprise showing, turns out the Cleveland Indians are the most-hated team in baseball.

Florida Governor Charlie Crist to run for Senate as independent

CC photo by Flickr user Philip Michael Photo

It’s been expected, but now it’s all but official: Aides confirm that Florida Governor Charlie Crist will, indeed, announce tomorrow that he will run for the U.S. Senate as an independent. Crist has been a Republican his entire career, but a run from former state House speaker Marco Rubio on his right has pushed him both out of the party primary and into the center.

This, in effect, both blows up this race, as well as solidifying it earlier than the primary would have. Rubio now has a longer time to move center to try and court moderate Republicans and independents who might be scared off by his links to the tea party movement. His recent moves seem to have predicted that Crist would defect, e.g., his lack of support for the recent Arizona immigration bill. Meek’s campaign, which wasn’t too terribly great to begin with, got more complicated. While before he could paint Rubio as too conservative, now he has to change tactics and hope Rubio and Crist can split the right and open the center.

Can Crist win? Well, he has a better shot now than before (he was definitely going to lose the primary, but it’s arguable he had as good a shot in the general election), but his chances are still far from knowable. Nate Silver doesn’t think his chances are great. However, Crist does have a lot of time until November now, and if he can agilely move to the center without sending sell-out signals, he could come off as a slight-latter-day Scott Brown. Or, he could come off as a less-sleazy Joe Lieberman, but without the Democrats in this case to unofficially officially support his candidacy.

BREAKING: Bankers are greedy and evil

CC photo by Flickr user TheTruthAbout...

JPMorgan Chase wants you to sign the slip.

According to the American Banker, in a mailing from JPMorgan Chase to customers whose debit cards had been switched from Washington Mutual when JPC bought WaMu, the bank strongly urged cardholders to sign the slip rather than enter their PIN when making debit card purchases. The mailing continues, “It’s not a credit card, so the money still comes out of your checking account. But by choosing ‘credit,’ you won’t have to enter your PIN in public.”

Brilliant. JPMorgan Chase wants you to be safe. Sadly, it’s also terribly dishonest. Security experts agree that entering ones PIN is far and above the safest method.

“From a technical security standpoint, there’s no question about it, a PIN adds a level of safety, which is why ATM transactions have required a PIN for years,” Avivah Litan, a security analyst at Gartner Inc., told the American Banker.

So why does JPMorgan Chase want you to sign the slip instead?

Short answer: Signing makes the bank significantly more money per transaction than entering a PIN. And, it’s not inconsequential. Signing the slip makes it an offline transaction, which is basically the same way a classic credit card is charged, and entails a higher interchange fee than online transactions, which require a PIN, and charge a lower interchange fee. The difference is enormous: offline transaction interchange fees are around 2% or more, while online transactions can be as low as .5%. These fees are invisible to the shopper (it’s illegal to pass on transaction fees), but cost retailers billions of dollars a year. If you ever see a sign at a store similar to “Five dollar minimum to use credit card,” this is why, because for small purchases, the fees wipe out any semblance of profit (or, in some cases, even cost).

Here’s a chart from the GAO that explains how interchange fees work (click for slightly larger):

JPMorgan Chase is not alone in enticing customers to sign the slip. However, most banks that offer debit cards offer some variety of reward for making signature transactions: points, miles, etc. JPMorgan is alone in attempting to scare its customers into thinking that signing is safer, which is untrue. It’s also cheaper than offering rewards.

So, in conclusion, think about greedy bankers and poor merchants when using your card. I suggest entering your PIN every time: It’s safer, and costs those businesses a lot less money. And, it doesn’t make a lick of difference to you.

Hump-Day Song of the Day: Two Cups of Tea by Star Fucking Hipsters

This video is one shot.

New York Times Columnist Line of the Day

If you’re one of the four-or-so frequent readers of this here blog, chances are you also occasionally check out the New York Times op-ed page. You may even know the names: Thomas “Friedman of Peach” Friedman, Gail “The Colander” Collins, Nicholas “The Dark Crystal” Kristof, &c. Well, I’ve decided to devote a daily feature to these folks, by daily pointing out one line that is either awesome, funny, insightful, intelligent, ridiculous, or utterly divorced from reality. I hope you enjoy.

Today’s is from Maureen “Refrigerator” Dowd, who in her column “Olive Oil and Snake Oil,” writes about the Goldman Sachs hearing in the Senate yesterday:

You know you’re ethically compromised when Senator John Ensign scolds you about ethics.

Bam.

National Zoo’s panda Mei Xiang not pregnant

CC photo by Flickr user Melissa Wentarmini

It’s official: Mei Xhiang, the lady panda currently in residence at the National Zoo in D.C., is not pregnant.

Pandas are notoriously difficult to inseminate and especially more difficult to test for pregnancy, and it was hoped that Mei Xhiang’s artificial insemination in January may have taken hold. But, sadly, it was (yet another) false alarm.

Mei Xiang and her partner, Tian Tian are on a ten-year loan from China, and in that time, Mei Xhiang has given birth to  one cub, Tai Shan, who has returned to China. The two are expected to be returned to China in December, but a pregnancy would likely have extended their visit.

Morning Constitutional – Wednesday, 28 April 2010

Good morning, folks. Jenny McCarthy has some medical advice for you and your kids. Now, your morning constitutional:

The Coast Guard will attempt to burn off portions of the oil slick in the Gulf of Mexico today that is closing in on Louisiana’s shore and ecologically sensitive areas around the Mississippi River basin. The slick has moved to within nearly twenty miles of the Louisiana coast.R

Clarence Dupnik, the sheriff of Pima County, Arizona says he will not enforce Arizona’s new immigration law, calling it “racist,” disgusting,” and “unnecessary.” His inaction could land him in trouble, as the law allows citizens to sue police officials for not upholding the law. The New York Times on how the immigration issue will be a complex test for both parties.

Thomas Hagan, who shot Malcolm X 45 years ago, was been released on parole Tuesday.

As foreign doctors depart and aide trickles out, Haitians begin to feel left behind on their own.

A Washington Post-ABC News poll finds Americans in the most anti-incumbent mood since 1994. FiveThirtyEight explains how Utah Senator Bennett may be among the first casualties of the anti-incumbent mood.

With Florida Governor Charlie Crist widely expected Thursday to announce an independent bid for the Senate, the race’s math will drastically change. Crist, who has supported off-shore drilling as a means of domestically producing oil, now, in the aftermath of the oil rig explosion in the Gulf of Mexico and subsequent oil spill, says “Rigs are opposite of safe.”

What happened when I went undercover to a Christian gay-to-straight conversion camp.

U.K. Prime Minister Gordon Brown apologized Wednesday after he was caught on microphone calling a women with whom he talked on the campaign trail “bigoted.”

Salon’s Gabriel Winant: Republicans happy in their intellectual bubble.

The Hawaii legislature has passed a bill allowing state agencies to ignore duplicative requests for vital records. State officials mention that they get between ten and twenty requests a day for verification of President Obama’s birth certificate.

Many Japanese choose dates and organize offices by blood type.

Eating natural, organic, local, sustainable food is no solution for feeding the world’s hungry.

Five reasons the event music video is big right now.

Following last year’s end of the U.S. travel ban on people with H.I.V., China has lifted their own two-decade ban on visitors with H.I.V. or other sexually-transmitted diseases, as well as a long-standing ban on travel for those with leprosy.

Haitian-born hotel waiter Wadner Trenchant is suing the Ritz-Carlton Naples, after he was dismissed because the British family he was to serve that day had requested to not be served by anyone of color or with a foreign accent.

Finally, a 54-year old woman is alleged to have stolen two bottles of cooking wine from a Bethlehem, Pennsylvania-area grocery store and guzzled them; police found her with a .32 blood alcohol content.

SNL on Arizona immigration policy

I thought about posting this over the weekend, but never got around to it. Now, it’s making the rounds around the ‘nets, so here’s Seth Myers killing it:

Getting Outside

It’s a boring, quiet Tuesday here in my cubicle.  When one spends the entire day in a cubicle with no nearby windows, one can sometimes lose perspective and sort of forget that there’s a world outside, that it might, in fact, be a beautiful day out.

Which it is, today.  I just got back from an afternoon jog, and I’m feeling ever so much better.  I am always grateful for the chance to step away from my desk and computer.

One of the things I love about living in DC is being surrounded by people who are deeply interested and invested in politics; who are knowledgeable and savvy about current events; and who are passionate about Causes and Issues.  I like feeling like I can fit into that sort of crowd—though I don’t keep up as well with the news as I feel I ought, I can certainly get up on a soapbox and orate about the issues I care about.  But it can also get to be a little much, sometimes, to feel compelled to keep abreast of political developments, and to spend so much time in states of Outrage and Dismay at all the various outrageous and dismaying things that keep happening.

So this might be what I like best about running outside in the middle of the day:  getting away from email and blogs and new stories to develop opinions and feelings and worries about.  My weekday route takes me past the White House and across the street from the Washington Monument, and around the very lovely Constitution Gardens (“an oasis within the bustling city,” says the National Park Service, and they are right), which is especially beautiful on sunny days.

Constitution Gardens

There are tourists and protesters, but I’m willfully oblivious and not thinking anything remotely soapboxy as I shuffle along.  I like leaving my righteous indignation and anxiety about the state of the world behind, even if just for half an hour.  It’s not exactly stopping to smell the roses, but taking note of the weeping willows as I jog past is pretty nice too.  Today I was listening to songs from Contra, Vampire Weekend’s recent-ish second album, which, though it came out in January, makes a pretty excellent late spring soundtrack.  If you haven’t listened to it yet, do.   And check out their weird and awesome video for “Giving Up the Gun.”

In addition to Contra and The Outdoors, my recommendation of the day is Fiji apples.  A delicious afternoon snack, good for staying cheerful as the post-run buzz wears off.

Is Islam really the only taboo?

Yesterday’s NYTCLOTD (best initialism ever?) featured Ross “Do That Thing” Douthat’s column “Not Even in South Park?” which insuated that Islam was the only last taboo in our almost taboo-less society. He posits that the recent South Park debacle has shown that everything in American society is open for mockery—except Islam.

However, Glenn Greenwald evicerates his thesis, by pointing to a March 28, 2010 edition of the very same newspaper for whom “Do That Thing” writes, the New York Times:

It looks like Ross Douthat picked the wrong month to try to pretend that threat-induced censorship is a uniquely Islamic practice.  Corpus Christi is the same play that was scheduled and then canceled (and then re-scheduled) by the Manhattan Theater Club back in 1998 as a result of “anonymous telephone threats to burn down the theater, kill the staff, and ‘exterminate’ McNally.”  Both back then and now, leading the protests (though not the threats) was the Catholic League, denouncing the play as “blasphemous hate speech.”

I abhor the threats of violence coming from fanatical Muslims over the expression of ideas they find offensive, as well as the cowardly institutions which acquiesce to the accompanying demands for censorship.  I’ve vigorously condemned efforts to haul anti-Muslim polemicists before Canadian and European “human rights” (i.e., censorship) tribunals.  But the very idea that such conduct is remotely unique to Muslims is delusional, the by-product of Douthat’s ongoing use of his New York Times column for his anti-Muslim crusade and sectarian religious promotion.

Toot toot.