Things I Drink, And So Should You: The Negroni

Because this place needs another regular feature, I’m here, every Friday afternoon, to tell you that what you drink sucks.

Being married to an Italian can be fantastic. The food is amazing. The scenery, when in Italy rather than on Mott St. or in the North End, can be breathtaking. The language, the art … seriously, it’s a good deal, even without considering the individual Italian with whom I chose to spend the time before she decides to divorce me.

The drinking, however. If you’re not careful, you can find yourself beyond sauced before the bruschetta shows up at the table. Wine, beer, prosecco, can all run up on you with a quickness. And it will. You need a drink that forces you to slow down and savor the moment, that doesn’t overwhelm or confound the other great tastes you’ll be dealing with. And you’ll need a drink that doesn’t knock you on your ass but gets you nicely buzzed. If you want to be alert and affable when it comes time to impress your date, or just to enjoy the osso bucco — and save drinking room for the world’s greatest digestif, grappa — try this.

The Negroni
Perfect for all seasons, full of flavor, served in a heavy glass, the Negroni is exactly what you’re looking for. I think it’s a perfect match for an Italian dinner, but truth be told, I’ll order it whenever I see a bar proudly displaying a bottle of Campari. It looks fruity, but don’t let that dangling scurvy-stopper deceive you. Gin, Campari, sweet vermouth. End of story. This is the Mediterranean Old Fashioned. If Don Draper were Dona Draparoni, hipsters in Williamsburg would be drinking the hell out of these. Except, of course, you can’t drink them as a PBR chaser without the ghost of Antonio Gramsci shooting you in the name of the workers.

This weekend, separate yourself from the faceless crowds of vodka-drinkers* and order yourself a Negroni. You’ll look like you know your way around a bar and a Tuscan villa, you’ll distance yourself from the kids drinking IPAs (because, let’s face it, you’re not getting any younger and you can use it), and you’ll be enjoying the hell out of yourself. As an added bonus, after four of them, you’re sitting on the shores of Lake Como with Sophia Loren, about to get into an Alfa Romeo Cinque Cento.

This week, we raise our glass to the king of the Mediterranean: the Negroni

1 pt. Gin

1pt. Campari

1pt. Sweet Vermouth

/garnish with orange or lemon wedge

*It is my contention that people who drink vodka don’t like to drink. They like to be drunk. For serious, professional drinkers — rather than professional drunks (though like vision, that can get blurry ’round last call) — vodka is a no-go. It doesn’t taste like anything, and, as such, doesn’t change the flavor profile of the drink. A good cocktail uses every ingredient’s unique flavor to its advantage. Vodka is a way for people to look fancy (and drunk) without having to go through the difficult work of figuring out what they like (other than being drunk). Be adventurous. Find out what you like. There’s a wide world out there, and it doesn’t begin and end with “I’ll have a Ketel and … ”

Cheers.

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1. Things I Drink And So Should You: Ft. Snow and the French 75
2. Things I Drink and So Should You, The Return: Ft. the Toronto
3. Things I Drink And So Should You: The Charles River Highball